


I Need Him

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:40:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It seems that Kageyama is in love with a woman, and Hinata can't breathe without him.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 8
Kudos: 68





	I Need Him

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: suicide  
> This is kind of a vent, sorry if it's shit lol

It all started with a message. Not even a text or a call; a post made to a group chat by the one and only Kageyama Tobio. It was with some girl Hinata had never seen before. Kageyama had a dumb flustered look on his face with this tiny stupid smile. It was the kind of look Hinata had only seen Kageyama direct at Hinata, himself, and volleyball. His hand held her smaller hand, both with hands on the box containing golden wedding bands. Not even engagement rings! (Well, Kageyama probably wouldn't know the difference anyways.) Kageyama didn't even elaborate on this. He just sent the image, which tore the shorter man apart even further.

Albeit, he had nothing to feel jealous of. It's not like he and Kageyama ever made themselves official, and it'd be cruel to make him wait like that while he was away in Rio. But somehow Hinata thought all the hand holding, longing glances, and "as long as I'm here, you're invisible"s made him think that they were more than just teammates. Somehow, all the nights they stayed hours after practice passing the ball back and forth and talking about mundane things, all the times they took detours to Coach Ukai's shop to grab meat buns, all the lunch times they spent together, and all the secret kisses before games had meant something. Hinata thought Kageyama liked him just as much as he liked the setter.

Hinata didn't want to move. Kageyama was one of his main motivations to keep playing volleyball. They didn't even have to play on the same team, the short man just wanted to play with Kageyama again. He wanted to have fun with him again and be competitive and share meat buns. Even scrolling through the responses, there were many people shocked at this. 

"Never thought you'd be the first of us :0"  
"I'm so happy for you!!"  
"i thought you were gay." That one was Tsukishima.  
"Aw, poor Shrimpy's going to have to share now!!!"  
"congrats."  
"I'm proud of you! Go get some ;D"  
"how????"  
"WHENS THE WEDDING?"  
"I feel sorry for her lol"  
"You better not screw this up, Kageyama"

Hinata was the only one who didn't reply. He threw his phone across the room, although, gently. He couldn't afford buying another one. 

"You good?" asked Pedro.

"Sim," Hinata replied halfheartedly. Pedro, knowing otherwise, picked up Hinata's phone for him. There was no point in him trying to read Hinata's messages, he couldn't read kanji. 

"What happened?" Pedro asked, walking over to the sulking man.

Hinata rolled over to look at his roommate. He grabbed his phone from the Brazilian and showed him the picture. 

"Well, shit." Pedro took and shut off Hinata's phone.

The two spent the rest of the day in the house. Pedro didn't have class that day, and Hinata called in late to work. Instead, they watched Kodzuken videos on Youtube. Hinata appreciated the lack of awkwardness Pedro kept throughout it all. It was nice, not having to talk about the thing that pained him the most, but acknowledging it and letting it sit for a while, waiting to get sorted out later. Nothing had to get sorted out right away he decided.

The next day fucking sucked. Pedro had to go off to his classes and Hinata was left at home, alone. The pain in chest grew. Breathing became more and more difficult as flashes of the days he spent with Kageyama ran through his mind. He gripped his chest as if to try and grab his heart and make it stop hurting so much. He dug his teeth into his bottom lip so hard he drew blood. His sobs were loud and echoed around the empty room, but no one could hear them. He needed to feel just slightly okay. Everything was falling underneath him, so he stood up and ran out of the apartment. Exercise always made him feel better, right?

Hinata moved quickly but his mind ran faster, telling him how useless he was. It told him how dumb he was to think Kageyama needed him, how stupid he was to think those innocent kisses meant anything, that he should quit volleyball, that if Kageyama didn't stay with him, no one else would, and most of all, that Kageyama was happier without him. That part hurt the most. Kageyama was happier with some random woman than he was those three years they spent together. Kageyama was right, Hinata was invincible with him, but there's an entire world between them now. He never expected Kageyama to find someone outside of him and volleyball. For three fucking years it was just them and volleyball. Hinata's entire life was volleyball, Kageyama, and food. 

He thought back to a moment in time where he fell and hurt his head and Kageyama kissed his forehead to make it better. Kageyama's face held the same dumb expression that was in the photo. Hinata had practically memorized it. He had stared at Kageyama's dumb face longer than is healthy. In the same way, he had stared at that image of Kageyama and the woman for much longer than he should.

Hinata stopped at a bridge, gripping the railing as tightly as he possibly could. He looked over the edge. His salty tears streamed down his face and fell into the water below him. He stared for a while, his hands shaking. Slowly, he made his way over the railing. His hands trembled greatly. Snot dripped from his nose as his entire body shook with agony. The pain in his chest wouldn't subside. Hinata just wanted it to go away. 

A woman walked onto the street. She yelled at him to stop, to think about what he was doing. Hinata couldn't process her words. The Portuguese got all mixed up and jumbled in his head. She slowly approached him and put her hand on top of his. He turned to look at her. The horror and torment in his eyes shocked her. She didn't process it for a second. Then, she felt his hand let go. It was as if everything had slowed down. His meek voice echoed in her head for weeks after this. The police questioned her soon after. She had crumpled up on the sidewalk like a discarded piece of paper. She couldn't help him.

Only a few words. She recited them to the police best she could, despite not knowing what the Japanese words meant nor how to properly pronounce them.

In Brazil, there was a woman who knew before anyone else. All she'd ever heard of his voice was one phrase. She wished she would've known him, that she could've helped him, that he could've walked away from it all and get stronger from it. She wished she could've told him how it gets better, how this doesn't have to be the end. She wished she could've told him that she was willing to help him, to support him, despite the fact she knew nothing about him. She wished she could've reminded him that there was people in his life that loved him and would do anything for him. 

Still shocked by the event, she went to an internet cafe. She spent time online, trying to figure out what the words he said meant. After only a short time, she found out what the young man had said to her.


End file.
